and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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