Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
