This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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