I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
