i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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