How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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