YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
