some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you would pick up someone in the library
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
