She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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