Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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