and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
