I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
