Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I deserve this hangover.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
