Can i not drive my cunt home
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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