Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
