My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
