bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
