Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
