Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
