I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
babies were throwing up all over the place
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
