Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
