I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
