ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
