I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
