My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
