Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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