I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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