You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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