i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
