I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
