my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
