Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
