if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
