My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
