i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
