He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your cock deserves a montage
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize