birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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