just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
