I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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