I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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