so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
