it hurts more in the daytime
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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