Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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