why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
