Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
