that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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