i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize