Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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