How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
