I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
