College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
