he wants to bone in the snuggie
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
