did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
