I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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