she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize