I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
