and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
