Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wanna go halves on a baby?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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