1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize