i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Found your dick twin last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize