rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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