Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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