Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
