I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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