We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
