She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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