he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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