it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
