You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
