I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
