so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
