Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize