Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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