Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
