This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
