a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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