3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
