I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
