Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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