Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
