my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
