So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
