I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
