im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize