yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
