Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
