i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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