You smell like a Billy Joel song
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
