O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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