you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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