During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
