So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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