OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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