since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
