he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
