Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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