Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize