Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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