I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize