At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
