We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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