Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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