There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
