Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
