he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He has the fingertips of a God
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
