I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize