I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
