Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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