Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize