Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
