Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
