you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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