I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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