I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
