it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
