I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
