Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
