There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize