I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
