Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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