Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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