I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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