I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
