I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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