sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
